What is at the core of happy relationships?
At the core of happy relationships is a sense that you matter to each other. It’s knowing your beloved will be there when you call, at least most of the time. It is a culture of responsiveness to each other’s distress, needs, wants, and desires. It’s being able to sit with your partner’s discomfort and offer support and presence.
In any relationship, there will be times of separation and times of deep connection. They will occur like an ebb and flow. Couples can get hung up on the idea that there should be a constant and ever-present connection. The truth is relationships don’t work like that.
Hence, learning to repair after a disconnection needs to be an ongoing practice. Couples need to understand the ebb and flow that is a relationship. The dance of losing each other and finding each other again over and over.
Once you reach a deep understanding that this is how relationship patterns go. The separations don’t feel so hard or distressing. Once you know that your partner will return. Once you accept you will do this dance over and over you can start to choose how you choreograph that dance.
When you can both integrate this knowledge. You can start to choreograph your own way to reconnect. You can feel safe and secure in the knowledge you will return to connection. You can feel safe in your relationship even in moments of disconnection.