Fighting in a relationship is inevitable. When we come together with our partner, to build a relationship, we bring with us our own ideas and history. So, it’s not surprising that those differences at some point will clash.
The problem arises when we believe that there is only one truth. When we are unable to see that our partner has a different truth that is as valid as our own. In this dynamic, there is no possibility of achieving a win-win outcome. If we are unable to validate our partner’s perspectives will not be able to reach a point of agreement.
Once you accept the idea that your partner’s point of view is as valid as your own. This makes reaching a joint decision easier to navigate. This means switching our mindset from being right to one of understanding. It is from this position we can validate our partner’s perspectives.
Then we can move into the next step which is working to find what it is that you agree on. Finding common ground to collaborate from.
Accepting your partner’s position as valid does not mean agreeing with their perspective. Once you accept that idea, it’s no longer necessary to argue for your own position. Now you can each focus on understanding and validating each other’s position.
This does not mean complying with their ideas or that you have changed your mind or your own position. It can assist with finding a meeting point where you can agree. This in turn leads to a collaborative outcome. A win-win for both of you and a big win for your relationship.
Sharron Brandon
Couples Counsellor
Sharron Brandon 